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Self-professed narcissist and author of “Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited,” Sam Vaknin describes how a narcissist abuses his victim:“He infiltrates her defenses, shatters her self-confidence, confuses and confounds her, demeans and debases her.
He invades her territory, abuses her confidence, exhausts her resources, hurts her loved ones, threatens her stability and security, involves her in his paranoid states of mind, frightens her out of her wits, withholds love and sex from her, prevents satisfaction and causes frustration, humiliates and insults her privately and in public, points out her shortcomings, criticizes her profusely and in a “scientific and objective” manner – and this is a partial list.
He acts the guru to her need of guidance, the avuncular or father figure, the teacher, the only true friend, the old and the experienced.
All this in order to weaken her defenses and to lay siege to her disintegrating nerves.
A relationship with a narcissist involves cruel and relentless emotional abuse.
It has been used to refer to abusers in romantic relationships showering their victims with praise, gifts, and affection in the early stages of a relationship. What happens in these types of relationships is that you get so caught up in the feeling that you don’t listen to the alarms that go off in your head.
It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person.
But no matter how much you give, it’s never enough.
They may insist on their partner giving up certain hobbies, social or work activities.
They may even insist their partner move away with them to a new location which further isolates the victim from their family or friends.