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I’m really grateful, Jane, that you made that connection between a first email and a come-hither look at a bar.Once you tell him how great he is, he doesn’t know why he should write back. But the tone of that email should be flirty, funny, and challenging – the same as the email from a man that gets your attention. POSTSCRIPT As to HOW to do something like that, here’s a link to my Finding the One Online program, which spends a full hour explaining how to email people online. Evan, Can you give an example of what would be an effective e-mail for a woman to write to a man? It’s a bit counterintuitive, but if your first instinct is to compliment him and explain your value, you’re not demonstrating that you have any value.Once you put a man on a pedestal, he’s automatically looking down at you.